Do You Know a Highly Creative Personality?
Is it a Blessing or a Curse?
Because of a paradox personality, highly creative people appear as numerous people within one individual possessing a wide range of extreme and intense energies. I think of it as a yin-yang personality. These people possess the deepest of insights. Needing a lot of sleep and solitude for their creative production, but needing equally as much socializing with other people. That doesn’t sound too out of the ordinary, but with the highly creative folks, it gets much more complicated than that. It is common to question how a person’s traits can be so opposite at the same time, such as a combination of intelligence and naivety.
What about tremendous self-confidence and insecurity? One trait appears to conflict with the other. I will eagerly challenge the unknown and at the same time take pride in being a problem-solver.
I have been called a visionary, labeled a leader, a trendsetter and a trail blazer, because I take the challenges, the heat and the risks of being rejected or accepted for experimenting and exploring new territory and new concepts. I have a passion to play hard, work hard and love passionately. I’m always on a quest to discover something new even if the risks to proceed are threatening and frightening. I subconsciously work through my fears and not let them hinder my progress or goals. I’m not discouraged by the fear of failure, but the thought of it haunts me.
Does my insatiable curiosity and relentless drive for success against all odds make my sanity questionable?
I have observed that highly creative women, myself included tend to be androgynous, dominant and successful. They visually and comfortably demonstrate having qualities of both the male and female gender and can dress in both masculine or feminine attire, looking and acting natural and appropriate. Oddly enough, most people cannot pull that off without looking ridiculous. I enjoy being androgynous and can’t imagine not being this way, but I have seen at times it gives people the wrong impression or the wrong signals, but that’s not my problem. Or is it?
To see me one night dressed up with classy, theatrical makeup, in my super femme fatale: stylish, plunging neck-line jackets showing mounds of cleavage, full-length skirts with long slits up to my muscular thighs in the front or back and high-heeled, pointed toed fuck-me pumps or thigh-high boots… then the next night with a heavy duty, black leather suit and tie, maybe with a Fedora hat… FY, women in suits! Sometimes my motorcycle jacket with the zippers, and chains draping from the epaulets. It’s all good! I love it, and I see that other people get off on my unique appearance, or get a charge out of approaching me, when they realize I am approachable with respect, but I can sense that most can’t relate to it. It’s all a turn-on to be recognized as “the one who doesn’t fit in” or “the one who stands out” and flattering at the same time. Am I the rose among the thorns or the thorn among the roses?
Where does psychic ability come in to play here mixed too much passion, compassion and empathy? Does any of this sound normal? If I try to explain the depth of my insights, my ability to perceive people differently and more deeply, people will start questioning my sincerity or even my sanity. Most of the time I keep it all to myself.
I’ve considered that the mental status of a highly creative could be “special form of sanity”, or a sanity closest to the brink of insanity. Maybe compared to average folks and the typical creative folks there is another category of sanity? I seriously believe this is where an extraordinary imagination and the highest of creativity dwell. Is this what is called creative genius?
From seventeen years and older I began rejecting many of the mainstream’s norms and religious beliefs by thinking “outside the box”. I constantly challenged that which appeared to be controlling the masses and not making sense to me. My foresight and ambition has compelled me to contradict or challenge “the system” and for that reason, I took high risks and always lived on “the edge” of society. Nothing has changed. The aging process may have mitigated the frequency of my actions, yet it has not toned down their intensities. Being like this, I’m certain many whose lives I have touched have thought I was wild and foolish, maybe off my rocker, but in my mind I have never known how to be any other way. Crazy?… on the edge of sanity? Maybe.
I’ve witnessed in myself and in other highly creative people, characteristics that make us look and act off the wall. People either love me or loathe me, copy me or envy me, but they don’t understand me and that is fear of the unknown, therefore, they fear me. I have yet to confirm if it is my confidence and history of experience that is intimidating and feared, or that being in my presence makes some people forced to look into the mirror to see what they don’t like about themselves? Do people detect that I see the world through a different scope.. a more insightful, clairvoyant and realistic scope? Can they sense I can see through them for who they really are?
I require an environment with a depth of peacefulness and isolation to be able to write… to create art or literature, to design clothes or layouts. It is the tranquility which allows me only to hear a faint ringing in my ears, or feel the slight pulsation of my own heart beating. Sometimes the silence is deafening and devastating at the same, and I often use earplugs to further distance myself from the world, the click of the keyboard’s keys under my nails and for a means to escape further into my own world, a world where only I exist; a world that knows only me. My solitude. My safe haven. My life.
Once again, a sense of reality alludes me in one exclusive sphere and becomes more blatant in another in my attempt to fall prey to my senses, my memory and my mind’s drifting eyes. This is both a comfortable place for me to exist and it frightens me at the same time. It’s emotional, it’s inexplicable in text to a degree and yet so profound that I can get swallowed up within the walls of my mind and strapped in so tightly and securely that I can’t distinguish whether I’m in control of my mind or my mind is in control of me. But one thing for sure that during this state of mind, an intangible strength of dominance and determination is prevalent. The power of deliberation has taken over so that nothing and no one else can penetrate this reality.
>From this point on, when this odd reality takes hold, inspiration and imagination is unleashed and set free to venture out, sometimes way out into the unknown where my new ideas and unfamiliar concepts are born. This is where I become a captive and victim of myself, a master of myself where everything and anything goes… beyond my control. It sounds contradicting because it is. It sounds complex, inviting and scary because it is. The constant quandary, confusion and distractions of the creative brain is exactly that. The ever presence of the talent VS. the curse prevails.
The problem with us writers/artists, we never know when the creative urge is going to possess us… overwhelm us enough that we must spontaneously evacuate from the presence of all Earthlings and earthly obligations and submit to the calling of the creative process. It is compulsory and it is mandatory. We must serve that master within ourselves by accepting the urge and the discipline required to be productive, and thus we stay in control of our destiny.
When I take the time and the notion to call on my creativity when it hasn’t naturally surfaced, it can throw me immediately into a grip of frustration where anxiety rules which can easily turn into writer’s block where my mind is blocked from entering into that necessary depth of concentration I desperately need to create. Instead, my creative mind becomes paralyzed, vacillating back and forth from one thought to another, to one diversion or another until I am so distracted I must divert, break away completely, to get away from my desk, get away from my mind and totally reject my desire and ambition to work for as long as it takes.
Hours, days, sometimes weeks go by before this inherent monster of creativity emerges once again in its proper, positive and productive fashion which once again gives me permission to create. I often wonder or worry if the next phase of the project will torment me as much as it did the time before? Why am I plagued with this delicate sensitivity? Why does my creative mood constantly wax and wane to the point of sheer delirium?
In conclusion, I realize I am a highly perceptive human who is seriously misunderstood by most. As a writer, I am constantly caught up in a catch 22 of can or can’t I? It’s complex, it’s powerful and it’s intimidating. My extraordinary sensitivity to perceive things around me and to detect good or bad energy from others is amazing. My capacity to escape into other dimensions to create is what gives me a perception that average creative people do not have. This ultra observation and acute awareness drives me to produce and create what I do, what others cannot. I am continuously and curiously inspired by something or someone near me.
I find myself constantly searching for new concepts or challenging old ones. I am never satisfied with the status quo. There is always more to be discovered and I’m never afraid to mix or compete with those who have a higher status than I do. It is there I will learn more and it is where I will be able to recognize their oversights and be a teacher to them.
I have always recognized since childhood that camaraderie doesn’t come easy to me because few can relate to me, and I have rarely felt a genuine sincerity from people. Mental, emotional, physical isolation, trauma and grief greatly support and promote my ability to create, but at the same time accentuates and exposes my eccentricity and eclectic nature which most people awe, fear or misinterpret. I came to the conclusion at a young age that highly creative people are blessed as well as cursed and sometimes destroyed by the very nature of their being. We become glorified for our creations, our creations can be the death of us, or both. Which one will be my fate?
At times I desire to hire a personal ghost writer for each and every book I have swimming around in my head just waiting impatiently to be put into text. I have so much to share, to teach, to show and I have a desperate need to get all of this out of my head and onto paper. That would be a huge relief. If I should pass before my time my legacy surrounds me here in books, files notebooks and ledgers. Until tonight, I had been waiting for that gush of inspiration to light a fire under my fingertips. Tonight, I was driven to write this blog. Tomorrow I will be driven to another challenge.
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Do You Know a Highly Creative Personality?
Is it a Blessing or a Curse?