I’m going to write about the fear and despair of many elderly citizens. This goes across all nationalities, religions, cultures and societies. I’m talking about all people. I’m referring to the isolation. The loneliness. The emptiness. Yes… it is depressing for us who still have a healthy, productive life, which is why most people turn a blind eye and run the other way, even turn their backs on folks in their own family or circle of friends. It’s a crime and a sin, but it’s here and there and everywhere, and we must deal with it. Not wanting to leave their home, though alone day and night. Fearing isolation from family because of illness and not being able to keep up and function normally. Or the haunting fear of being taken away from familiar surroundings and put in a strange place, or with a relative that does the favor out of protest?
An elderly person’s home is their sanctuary, their comfort zone and their only security. It is one of the only things they have left to count on and cling to. I believe that the aging process alone after a certain age for many people is a terrible mind f***. The older we get, the less secure we may feel. Health may be depleting, worrying about falling, enduring injuries, more aches and pains, feeling rejection from society, being confused, forgetful, and totally frustrated and upset about the way we look in the mirror. But the loneliness isolation, the absence of loved ones and/or the death of a spouse after decades in a secure relationship is the killer. All this equals “depression”.
The elderly suffer in silence about many things they don’t want to discuss or share with others. Why is this so? Pride? Fear? Denial? Wanting to keep their independence? Worried they will be a burden? Who wants to be a burden, or think they are a burden to a son or daughter? Could it be a fear of scaring people away? What about the dread that family will start viewing them as incompetent if they disclose their fears? What if the family’s concern turns into taking control and making rash decisions, deciding to start taking away things that made them feel secure and independent like the keys to the car? But it goes much deeper than that. It’s the emotional complexity.
It must be agonizing to look in the mirror feeling like you are 30 or 40 years old, but you’re staring with silver hair, a wrinkled face or shrinking body. Does the brain stop counting the chronological years and calculating the aging process? Does the brain’s conception of who we are keep up with the chronological aging process? For many people it does not and life becomes complicated with conflicting thoughts of who we are and what is happening to our body. Some people have a better ability to accept the mental and physical conflict and age more comfortably, but others fall into a zone of disbelief and despair and this is when it gets tricky. Do people stop spending as much time with someone who is old, or sick, or unable to keep up with them doing the things they used to do? Unfortunately, the answer is yes. In many cases that is exactly what happens.
I have been able to feel the energy of desperation, sadness and loneliness emanating from elderly individuals who were looking at me speechless with a sad face or with the mask of a big smile. I have sensed how everything gets progressively more complicated in their minds. I have felt their pain. I have seen the pain in their eyes, behind the smile. Their eyes always mirror their deepest feelings where I can easily read between the lines. Also, I sense with many of the elderly, their sensitivity is magnified to great proportions beyond their control. Personally, I am not looking forward to this reality, but I’m a realist, and I know this reality is just a matter of time for most of us.
For the past several years, I have had the innate ability to see and feel things with much more depth and sensitivity than before. I feel it is a gift that I was too overwhelmed to recognize in my younger years. Many of you have experienced life changing with an elderly parent, relative or loved one, but if there have been unanswered questions or confusion in your mind that my message here may help, may give an explanation or another perspective.
Volunteer your companionship, your understanding, your patience, your compassion or your help. What we give will come back to us. What goes around, comes around. Lend a hand, give a hug, say some kind words and show you care, because a few minutes of your time, a touch and a smile will light up someone’s life! It’s almost 2015, so we all have the power and choice to start the year on positive path. Give of yourself. Be generous with your heart and kindness which will greatly influence someone’s future, put warmth in a broken heart, or maybe even save someone’s life!
Have a happy, healthy and meaningful New Year 2015!!!