Part I – Cruelty of Aging
Aging… after 50 or 60, after 70 or 80 years old? It is not a situation the majority wishes to recognize, and it is not a pleasant journey for others which is why discussions are often avoided. I am going to write this from the heart. I have had the experience of feeling the intensity of pain, anguish and confusion from elderly relatives, clients, patients and friends. I have seen the look in their eyes, the expressions on their face, the tone of voice, yet at the same time their words were saying something else. Their words were not exposing this silent anguish. There words would not dare speak of the submerged pain. Why, I said to myself and then pondered the answer? Why would someone rather suffer in silence than share these feelings, especially with someone close… someone who cares. Wouldn’t it relieve some of the anguish? Why is suffering in silence so prevalent. It’s a cruel reality.
The answer is as complex as it is heart-wrenching. Nobody in their right mind wants to be thought of as weak or helpless, insecure or scared? What about crazy? Does anyone want a friend or loved one to think they are paranoid, or they’re losing their mind? That’s one way to start getting avoided or alienated by some people who don’t know how to deal with someone’s aging symptoms. If you can’t help or don’t want to help, it’s easier to push away, isn’t it? Isn’t that better than getting caught up in something you don’t want to be obligated to? Maybe keeping the secret is a combination of self pride, preserving one’s independence and proving we still have it together? I suppose I won’t know, and you won’t know until the day comes when we have to face Father Time’s revenge?
The obvious reality is, we will all be there some day, that is how fate will have it: a senior citizen, someone who was dropped off at a nursing home and forgotten, someone who is considered elderly or feeble, someone who is ill, someone who has lost their memory, or simply someone who has lost their good nature or good looks. Not a great fate to look forward to, yet most of us will have to face the mirror some day and wonder where the time went? Why life was so short? Why is life so cruel and relentless? Why did it pass by us so quickly… without much warning, not giving us enough emotional preparation? There’s never enough preparation for this.
Unfortunately, the mirror doesn’t lie, and the mirror is cruel in and of itself in many ways. It shows us, and it reminds us every day what is happening. It doesn’t fake, hide nor mitigate anything. We give that deception to ourselves and some of us do a damned good at it.
We challenge the power of the mirror. We attempt to alter what we see. We defy and deny the reality for our own personal satisfaction or is it for the preservation of our own sanity? The problem is, as much as we are aware that time will change our appearance, our senses, our abilities, as much as we may safeguard the inevitability and disadvantages of the aging process, it catches up. It catches up and takes control. It takes away our control and has its way with us. Its beyond our control, and we cannot deal with that. That certainly can take away a feeling of independence and replaces much of that confidence and security with an anguish. An anguish and fear.
Fear of the unknown? Apprehension of what will become of us, and what people will think of us? Will they discard us like an old hassock? Will we be rejected and “left out” because we can’t keep up, or because we are ill?